In t-minus 2 days I will be home. Did you hear that? In two days! I’ll be home! Well, not in my home home, because that’s rented out. And not in my dad’s home, because I haven’t lived there since 2000 during the Summer of Hell, which was a black period in my life not fit for print descriptions (love you more dad!). But I will be back in my sister’s house, with my own room and 3 nieces and 1 nephew just down the hall. I plan on waking up at the crack of dawn and bursting into their bedrooms shouting WAKE UP! WAKE UP! IT’S TIME TO PLAY! because that’s what they did to me when I lived with them in college. After the Summer of Hell which shall not be mentioned again.
In these last few hours of Parisian grayness, when I’m not busy scheming ways to pester my family members, I am spending a good deal of time dreaming about what I am going to eat. I’m not even talking about Thanksgiving food here. I just want a toasted bagel people. A toasted bagel with cream cheese. Or a toasted bagel with egg and cheese. Ohhhhhh egg and cheese breakfast sandwich, have I missed you so! Your absence on the international morning scene is heartbreaking.
Or how about pizza? Pizza that doesn’t have goat cheese or salmon on it? That would be marvelous. I am also sleep-salivating over spicy Mexican food – fajitas, guacamole, salsa that’s not from a jar that says Tostitos. A big, gooey, heart-attack inducing plate of nachos. Oh god yes. That’s what I need.
I also have a very bizarre craving for Chinese food. Authentic Bethesda-style Chinese food that probably tastes nothing like real food from China. Yes. Ummm-hmmmm. Gimme somma that.
And since it will be Thanksgiving, I’m going to go ahead and allow room for turkey sandwiches. With pickles and plain old yellow mustard that doesn’t burn out your sinuses after one bite. Also pumpkin pie. Loads and loads of pumpkin pie.
I know it sounds sad. Here I am, living in the food capital of the world. French cuisine actually just got classified as a UNESCO Intangible World Heritage, and all I want is a good old American cornucopia of crap. I should be ashamed.
But I swear to jesus in velvet pants, if someone takes me to Whole Foods I will cry tears of joy.
Unlikely Diplomat 
we’ll make a whole foods run on sunday…whilst making witty football commentary for nate & chris to enjoy.
SO EXCITED!!!!
yes!!!!!!
Oh god, you are NOT KIDDING. You hit all the highlights for me, too! The two things I can’t get enough of when I am back at home are Chinese and Mexican food. AND, like we talked about at Breakfast in America when I visited you, eggs that are scrambled or otherwise NOT hard-boiled.
Great, now I’m making Homer Simpson noises and drooling down my shirt front. Aghhlaghhlaghhh
come visit paris soon so i can take you back to breakfast in america!
I am noticing that the summer of hell coincides with one memorable cross-country trip… I hope there is no connection…
oh wait…it was the summer before that! so 2000…i’ve blocked it from memory!
You should mail some food back to yourself in Paris.
can you mail nachos? maybe fedex overnight….
I hope your holiday at home is an americanicopia of good food and family hijinks!
well thank you! so far so good…