It’s time to go.

Have you ever dropped an entire 6 pack of glass Orangina bottles in the middle of the grocery store isle? In France? Well just in case your answer is no, let me explain how it goes:

You see the woman in front of you taking her time, perusing every possible beverage option while blocking the aisle with her cart. She finally picks Orangina, and carelessly drops one of the glass bottles on the floor. It doesn’t shatter, but starts fizzing madly and making a small mess. She walks away like nothing happened.

You become incensed. How could someone just drop a bottle and leave it there?! At least alert the clerk! My god. Who are these people?!? you think to yourself smugly as you also reach for another 6 pack of Orangina from the top shelf. And just as you gingerly slide it off into the air, the bottom drops out and 6 highly carbonated glass bottles go crashing to the floor, spewing orange soda and shards of glass into the air like miniature spinning Orangina rockets.

You shriek. The woman from before pops her head back around the aisle and says, “Oh! I just dropped a little one.” Thank you madame. Thank you. You stand there for a moment wondering if you should help clean up, or pay, or something. Then you decide it’s best to just get the hell out of there.

And if your morning goes anything like mine, you’ll arrive at your doorstep, sticky and sulking, to a friendly gardienne waving some important mail in your face. It will be an envelope stamped with the official Republique Francais symbol. And when you open it, it will be a speeding ticket. From one of the 3 times total you’ve ever driven here.

I think the gods are telling me it’s time to get outta here for a while, no?