I spent the better part of Sunday afternoon pondering baby formula. The Babe has been off the boob juice for a few months now, and happily guzzles whatever brand of formula we happen to put in her bottle. This amazes me, because all baby formula smells like drinkable drywall that’s been painted with vomit.
To be fair, the Babe also happily chews on Husband’s soccer cleats. So perhaps her palate is not discerning enough to be trusted as a true arbiter of taste. But then again, maybe formula doesn’t taste as bad as it smells? Or maybe it does, but that’s what breast milk tastes like, too? And what goes into the process of making formula, anyway? I know it’s as close nutritionally to breast milk as possible, but what about the taste? Do they also try to make it similar tasting? And wouldn’t that mean that someone at Nestlé has been hired to be a boob juice/formula taste tester? How do you end up with that job? Really piss someone off during your interview?
After about an hour of discussion, I finally looked at Husband and said “I’m just gonna taste it.” I unscrewed the bottle and took a small sip. Not surprisingly, it tasted like liquid drywall with a touch of vomit. Sweet vomit.
Not to be outdone, Husband grabbed the bottle and took a swig. He paused for a minute, swallowed, and then ran for the sink to flush out his mouth with water. I think he considered plunging his face à la Ace Ventura.
So the lessons learned here are simple:
1. Baby formula tastes as bad as it smells.
2. Babies still like it. And seem completely healthy and happy because of it.
3. Go to college so you don’t have to grow up and be a boob juice/formula taste-tester.