Meet my new oven. Well, “new” is probably not the most accurate term. Sure, it’s new to me. But it most definitely looks like it came from someone else’s apartment. Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?
Anyway, she was wheeled in this afternoon, as the old pièce de merde was unceremoniously wheeled out (sans sledgehammering). After she was hooked up, the repair men called me in to check it out. And because I’m living in Paris, with open access to pastries and champagne, the gods decided to even things out a bit by again making sure that my oven has pictograms where most logical people would just put a bake/broil/self clean dial:
Hmmm. Looks like light bulbs, snowflakes, meat logs, fish/croissants, pie, and some things I can’t decipher. Right. Luckily, this oven also comes with a handy pictogram translator on the front:
And thankfully there is a well marked temperature dial, so I can adjust to my temp of choice, after of course figuring out if I’m making gibier, gratin, or a pièce a la broche. Of course.
Just to make things extra special, the repair men then informed me that after setting the pictogram dial to meat log, it was imperative to also set the timer. Nothing would work without setting the timer. I gave them my most incredulous look. They both just shrugged.
On the way out, I thanked them and said in my best french that I’d call them later if my dinner turned out crappy. The older man smiled and said, “You can invite me over, but I’m not coming if the food is bad.”
* * *
Let’s see what some of my pictograms mean, shall we?
1. gibier
Pronunciation: jee-bee-ay
Definition: Wild game, as in some animal you hunted and dragged home for dinner
2. gratin
Pronunciation: grah-tegn (with that really nasally “eh” sound at the end)
Definition: Anything with a broiled, cheesy topping, like a potato gratin (sooo, is gratin the broil setting? only time will tell.)
3. pièce a la broche
Pronunciation: pee-es ah la bro-sh
Definition: Meat on a skewer. Grilled kebabs. (No idea how my oven is even going to do that.)
Unlikely Diplomat 
I also like that your oven has a dedicated “eclair” setting. 🙂
I think you should have re-enacted this scene when your oven was taken away.
AGREE.
Wait…that’s “eclairage” – that means the oven light steve! hahahahah
Haha – I know. But it was the first thing I thought of when I saw that setting. I was really hoping French ovens came with dedicated specialty pastry settings. 🙂
The french are really obstinate…..what is wrong with temperatures? Where does 350 degrees fall somewhere between meat log and quiche? Do you have to pay more for numbers?
That’s for when your oven makes you weep in frustration.
Ms. Willson- What kind of pantalones are you wearing?! They look like a cross between M.C. Hammer and Gypsy pants.
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HI LADY!
HAAAAAAAAAA they totally do! But sadly they’re just standard issue leggings, blurred by my crappy oven door window.
[…] how I wish there really was an actual croissant in my new oven. Because that one up there? I ate it. And I could really use another […]
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