Oscar couch commentary.

Here’s a representative snippet of the running commentary from our couch last night as we watched the Oscars red carpet:

Me: “Holy Nick Nolte!”

Husband: “Whoa. Is he drunk?”

Me: “Probably.”

Me: “Oh Penelope, that hairdo is no bueno.”

Husband: “I bet that guy freebased cocaine on the way in.”

Me: “Um, that’s Jason Segel. From the Muppet Movie.”

Husband: “Whatever.”

Me: “Oh Brad…why the Legends of the Fall hair?”

Me: “Wait, how do you say ‘mustache’ in German?”

Husband: “Schnurrbart.”

Me: “Oh Bradley…why the schurrbart?”

Husband: “Holy JLo!”

Me: “Is it just me, or is half her nipple hanging out?”

Husband: “Definite nip-age.”

Me: “Ew. Well, at least she doesn’t look like the caped crusader. I’m looking at you, Gwyneth.”

Husband: “That dress sucks.”

Me: “I love you Glenn Close! But the bottom half of your dress is wacky.”

Husband: “She has huge tatas.”

Me: (eyebrow raised)

Husband: “What?”

*            *             *

Next year I think we should take over for Joan Rivers.

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