Vocab Friday: Très cintré

So it’s almost August, which in most places doesn’t mean much other than hot sticky weather and maybe a trip to the beach. But here in France, it means we’re on the verge of something akin to apocalypse. By all accounts, the city will be deserted, all the restaurants and shops will close and nothing will be left but hordes of foreign tourists on the metro. One friend urgently advised me to run to the nearest butcher as soon as possible to stock up the freezer.

No mad dash for milk and bread here. Just a run on charcuterie. I’m beginning to imagine a scene not quite unlike The Road, except the lonely survivors are those without posh summer homes in Normandy and they have to fight it out over the last slab of foie gras at the market.

Doomsday visions aside, I was beginning to worry that an empty city would leave me scavenging for things to write about. But just when I thought I’d be totally out of material, Husband went and bought himself a french tailored suit.

For those of you unaware of the vast differences between French and American tailoring, let’s just say that the cut here doesn’t leave much to the imagination. It’s skinny. It’s tight. The pants manage to make Husband (a skinny man) look like the Incredible French Hulk. Or as he explained it, “If I fart, my entire pant leg vibrates.”

But make no mistake: He looks damn good, and the new suit is much better than the oversize hobo suits he’d been wearing since 2001. It’s just French. And he might get some cat calls when he walks down the street.

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And that, mes amies, finally brings us to today’s vocab:

1. Un costume

Pronounced: uh(n) costoom

Definition: Contrary to what the picture above might look like, un costume is not something you wear on Halloween. It’s a suit.

2. Cintré

Pronounced: san-trey

Definition: Cinched in at the waist, very tailored, taut like a tiger.

As in:

“Hey hot stuff! Yeah you in the costume très cintré! Bring that sweet a** back  over this way! Whoooo-hoooo!”

Oh, and I saw some bikers.

Not the intimidating leather and Harley kind. The skinny, spandex-and-yellow-jersey clad kind.

There they go!

Let’s pretend one of those guys is Lance Armstrong.

All that spectating sure made me hungry.

Sweet dreams.

A few days ago I found my way into a screening of Inception at the ambassador’s house. And let me tell you — it’s just the kind of mind-bending film that leaves you emotionally drained, mildly disoriented, questioning your very existence. Especially when you watch it:

1. At the ambassador’s house in Paris.

2. Sitting in a screening room that’s really a magnificently gilded and mirrored 17th century ballroom.

It made me stop and think about how my life as of late has been just a little too suspiciously surreal: Fairy-tale castles, fireworks over the Eiffel, pain au raisins for breakfast every morning. Understandably, I had a little bit of a metaphysical meltdown. Is all this real? Or am I just dreaming? And if this is dream land, why didn’t I imagine myself with a smaller butt?

It’s a rabbit hole deep enough to make your head spin. But I guess there’s no use fretting. Better to sit back, sip some champagne, and wait for someone to kick the chair out from under me.

Vocab Friday: Baby Jesus Edition

So you know when you eat something just so utterly delicious, so extraordinarily drool-worthy, so flipping awesomely good that you really just can’t find the words to describe it?

Well, yeah. That’s an American problem apparently. Because here in France they have hands down one of the best sayings on the planet to describe that feeling you have when the champagne/pastry/chunk of steak sliding down your gullet is causing a transcendental experience.

Do they say it’s like nectar from the gods? No. Do they liken the morsel to a radiant gift from above? Nope. They say:

“C’est comme un petit Jesus en culottes de velours!”

Which means, “Like baby Jesus in velvet pants.” A LITTLE  BABY JESUS IN VELVET PANTS! I can’t even think straight when I say that phrase because it’s so ridiculously wonderful. And you know? That’s just how I like to think of Jesus: Swallowed whole and wearing fuzzy pantaloons. Second runner up of course being Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt.

The French oven strikes again.

This is what happens when you mistakenly set your stupid pictogram oven to Lightning Steaks and leave your gorgeous peach-blueberry cobbler in there for a few minutes before realizing your grave error.

Notice, however, that the charred top did not render this dish of brown sugar, biscuits and bubbly fruit inedible. I think something that good would have to actually be in flames to give me pause.

Lookup here! Lookup here!

The old blogaroo got a brand new look today! I wish I could say it had something to do with best practices and user research or newly found coding skills. Alas, it’s just a product of procrastination. Hope you like it!

Vocab Friday: At top volume.

I’ve been really homesick lately.

There. I said it. I’m in Paris, watching fireworks over the Tour Eiffel, galavanting on the Cote D’Azur, and all I really want is to be home in the sweltering mid-atlantic of the good old U.S. of A.

I feel guilty just typing those words. But it’s true! I’m missing all the good stuff: Snopocolypses, Top Chef DC, earthquakes — what’s next?Unicorns prancing down Pennsylvania Avenue? It would be just my luck. It’s like being out of the office and coming back to find out everyone got a raise AND a pony while you were gone.

I try to keep in touch with people back home as much as possible, which instantly raises my spirits. But that high usually devolves quickly into a bad case of the I Wannas. My sis and bro are going to the pool? I wanna go to the pool! Dad’s going to a crab feast? I wanna go to a crab feast! Best friend is wrestling her 2 toddlers at the grocery store? I wanna…Wait. Nope. I no wanna. But you get my drift.

It’s a downward spiral of inconsolable (and irrational) despair that tries to suck the life out of anything around. My only hope is to devise a distraction. Sometimes I go for a run. Sometimes I make cookie dough for immediate consumption. Sometimes I just watch Glee for 3 hours straight. But usually I just gotta sing it out.

I’m not a shower singer. I like to fulfill my wildest musical theater dreams in the car, in the summer, with all the windows rolled down. You know, so people can hear me. But since I’ve only got a bike here, I’ve moved my performances to the kitchen. I crank up the iPod speaker just loud enough to make my voice blend in with Aretha’s, and commence with making dinner.

I was doing just that the other evening, waiting for Husband to get home from a late night at work. A particularly good run of shuffled tunes came up as I was washing dishes, so I proceeded to belt it out like it was my last chance on American Idol, my hot lyrics wafting through the open window and bouncing around the inner courtyard.

CAUSE SHE’S THE CHEESE AND I’M THE MACARONI!

DOOOOON’T STOP…BEEELIEEEEEEEVIN!

BABY I CAN SEE YOUR HAAAAAALO-OH-OH!

I was preparing for the final chorus of that winning number when I finally shut off the running water and heard the doorbell ringing. Hmm. Maybe it was Lady Gaga coming to sign me as a backup singer? I do like costumes.

I peeked out the window to the front door below. Husband was standing there shaking his head. Seems he forgot his keys and had been knocking on the apartment door for 10 minutes before he gave up and tried the front buzzer for another 10 minutes. All the while listening to me bellow out the window.

I buzzed him in. We laughed until our sides hurt. And at that moment I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

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Alright enough of the sappy crap. Time for vocab! Today’s phrase is:

Elle chante comme une casserole.

Pronunciation: El shant com oon casserole

Definition: Literally, “She sings like a casserole.”

Which is what you’d say when someone’s singing voice makes your ears bleed. Which is odd, because just last night my lasagna did a charming rendition of The Rose. Oh well.

As in:

“Sweet geezus am I the only one who thinks Mary J Blige chante comme une casserole?!”

How to celebrate Bastille Day in 8 easy steps.

1. Commence le pique-nique, preferably 3 hours before fireworks.

2. Eat.

3. Wait.

4. Worry about clouds.

5. Relax.

6. Get ready.

7. Cover your ears.

8. Fall in love with Paris all over again.


Summer in Paris.

The best parts:

bikes

ice cream

taking bikes to get ice cream

blue teeth from blueberry ice cream

not worrying about calories in ice cream because you’re a) biking and b) sweating buckets 24 hours a day.

Vocab Friday: Bénévole

So I think I owe you a little story about me handing out gift bags at the Ambassador’s house last week. Let’s set the scene, shall we? It’s Wednesday, two days before I’m about to go on vacation. It’s disgustingly hot (which I know garners no sympathy from my DC friends. But at least you have air conditioning!). I am cramming to finish up a little work and homework from my writing class (this here writing thing don’t come naturally). It’s there, in the haze of my apartment, that I decided to volunteer my services at the Ambassador’s annual 4th of July party.

Why? Who knows. I guess I have a do-gooder gene that just won’t quit. Plus I wanted to get a behind the scenes peak at one of the hottest parties in town. And ok, rumors were flying that the Gossip Girl cast would be there. (They were not)

So I reported to duty the next evening, dressed up, ready to don my biggest volunteer smile. There were 7 or 8 other volunteers, so it was pretty easy at first. At some point three of the volunteers, who looked to be teenager age, went to “cool off” for a bit. Which was fine, until we were totally bum-rushed by hundreds of guests.

And let me tell you: It does not matter what race, nationality, sex or sexual orientation you are. The one unifying desire of people across the globe is free stuff. Everybody wants it, bad.

About an hour into the weeds, our teenage volunteers returned. Maybe little bleary eyed, not so stable on the heels. Perhaps smelling a little boozy. All three chewing gum like it was going out of style.

And good grief did it make me angry. Here I was, doing their share of work in the awful humid evening air, fighting off gift bag hoarders and trying to keep the sweat pooling at my lower back to a minimum. And those kids! Those irresponsible troublemakers!

They didn’t even have the decency to ask me to join them for a cold one.

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Which leads me to today’s vocabulary:

bénévole

Pronunciation: beh-neh-vohl

Definition: volunteer (and yes! I figured out how to make accents on my french words!)

As in:

The kids should have known that the elder bénévoles were on to their tricks and could have been easily bribed into silence with a glass of champagne.”